Lilliputian Size Review: The Lone Ranger

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Ok so, just saw this.

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Sorry, spaced off there for a second. It was pretty good I must say. Very entertaining which was the point, right? The story was pretty good, had lots of side plots but it didn’t get confusing. Despite looking at Tonto in the beginning I thought looked a little ridiculous with the bird, thought they were just overdoing it. The pleased me by actually making the bird a really decent part of his character and not just some decoration.

Had some pretty humorous moments as well, the comedy was well put for many age groups to understand and laugh. The action was pretty awesome too, became quite elaborate at times but was all in good fun.

I like how the story was told as well, wasn’t just a movie. It was all a flashback from the man himself, Tonto to a little kid. Even goes a little bit back and forth with Tonto almost reenacting his story as it goes on. So that was kinda funny, but there was a part where a little prop from him telling the story was in the actual movie. A Peanut Bag, you’ll notice it when you watch it. Was kind of strange.

One more thing…Silver…the Lone Ranger’s horse…..was the funniest character in the whole movie. You’ll see why. I wanna see a movie about him.

Now, some complaints.
1. Despite falling off a long ways and being thrown around to land on hard surfaces…no injuries at all. Not even a bruise or for god sake a broken leg. You try falling off a fast moving train for about 30-40 feet and landing on a huge cart of silver rocks and not get hurt. Just try it.
2. Helena Bonham Carter was over sold in the previews. She was barely in it and frankly, the movie could be just as ok without her. Didn’t make that much of difference.
3. Despite Johnny Depp as Tonto being more interesting than The Lone Ranger himself, he’s the sidekick…so top billing didn’t make much sense (marketing complaint but still).
4. A big one for me was Armie Hammer’s Lone Ranger…..he’s a whiner. Complains way too much and doesn’t have much of anything interesting to say anyway. Even ruins a few parts of the story because of his attitude towards criminals.

Rating: 4 Silver Bullets

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Lilliputian Size Reviews: The Hangover Part III

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Ok I want to point out that this movie was panned by “critics” across the board. Only further proving my point that all critics who write major magazines, newpapers, news websites, and have talk time on tv shows and news programs need to be labelled by the government as ‘too retarded to exist’. What makes a critic a professional critic? I would honestly like to know their qualifications.

In my opinion this is an epic end to a great trilogy in film. I’ll also admit that this is not better than the 1st or the 2nd if you want to rank them. But it’s still really good. A little more grim, darker, and there’s more compassion between the characters.

Some might be upset that there really isn’t a hangover in this movie. The idea is that that both their hangovers previously have caught up with them. I don’t want to give the main story away because it all unravels on it’s own like a domino effect.

I felt that it wasn’t AS funny as the rest but still had very good moments. But that makes it not really sound good and I’m not trying to. It’s like trying to measure up to something already epic but trying to make it ‘epicer’? Not easy…especially attempting to do it twice. But if you liked the first two, it’s worth to go see. I’m buying on dvd when it will be released that’s how much I like it….that and why have 2 of the movies in a trilogy and not all 3?

Please don’t leave when the credits roll by the way…there’s a present for you.

Rating: 4 Leslie Chow Wedding Cakes

Lilliputian Size Reviews: Alien 3/Alien (To The 3rd Power)

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Alright so, just watched this after many years of procrastinating to see it another time. I’m a big fan of the Aliens franchise (except AVP, they fucked up that shit)

I used to collect the Aliens vs. Predator action figures. I’d still like to go back and get them again, they were awesome. Played the shit out of Alien 3 on Super Nintendo, hard as fuck but kinda fun, not fantastic. Also played Aliens vs. Predator on Super Nintendo, classic beat em up. Played a little Alien Trilogy on Playstation, not as impressed. Just started playing Aliens: Colonel Marines on Xbox 360, super fun and follows the movies pretty well. Our local Laser-X (remember that shit?) had an Alien themed play area. There was a window that showed the area and if you got really close to it, a sensor would go off and a facehugger puppet would jump at the window. Traumatized me. Also had an issue from a of graphic novel series.

Back to the movie at hand. Inferior from Alien and even Aliens. But better than Alien Resurrection.
Visuals are fucking awesome.
Cinematography is great.
Sets and art design are beautiful.
Acting is good.
But story, meh.
Dialogue…eh.
The alien itself….umm, sure why not.

So the one I just watched came out of an Ox (originally you see it come out of a Dog in another versions of the movie, which makes more sense because of the physical similarities) but whatever, it runs on all fours. The survivors from the last movie (Ripley, Newt, Cpl. Hicks, and the upper half of Bishop) are in the escape pod from their ship, crash land on a planet with just 25 life sentence prisoners, 1 warden, and his lackey (nicknamed 85 because that’s his IQ). Unfortunately Ripley is the only one left, the others didn’t make it.
The prisoners are now born again christians and find her appearance to be a bad thing since they are all former killers and rapists and feel that her being there will challenge their faith and fall into the hands of sin.
A few deaths lead to them all working together, no weapons besides some knives and axes. So they use their creativity to kill it. Eventually it gets done but Ripley has been impregnated which is my big quarrel with this movie.
During the climax of Aliens the only alien that got onto the Solaco ship was the queen. She was injected into space and that was it. No other alien was aboard, they even went on a smaller ship that left the Solaco. The only way for her to be impregnated is for their to be facehuggers on the ship. They only come from eggs that are left by the queen in her hive. Her hive was blown to bits in the previous movie. So no eggs available. They didn’t even find the dead husk of a face hugger on the escape pod. So what the fuck? Makes no sense, it’s not like they couldn’t have figured something out to fill that plot hole. Not only that, remember the ox AKA dog? There had to have been 2 aliens aboard. Sorry, I don’t buy this anymore. So that’s my big gripe with this movie otherwise like I said, well done.
It’s the last good Alien movie, Alien Resurrection not so much.

Rating: 3.25 Doggy Aliens

Lilliputian Size Review: The Raid: Redemption

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Lets start with a mutha fuckin’ bang. I personally feel…this movie is the best action movie I have ever seen. I have seen some kick ass action movies but this movie kicked them all in the legs, snapped their elbow, stabbed them in the shoulder and shot them 3 times in the face.
It reminds me of the ending battles to Game of Death…but obviously modernized. If you haven’t seen Game of Death, please do. But the confrontation in the end of that is Bruce Lee’s character needs to go into a pagoda restaurant and on the upper floors are traps laid out for him and he must fight his way up to get to the man he wants.
In The Raid, a group SWAT team is going into a 15 story apartment that is mostly filled with drug addicts, criminals, and just all around menaces to society to capture the leader. The leader in control of this building is a huge underground criminal mastermind who orders his tenants to destroy the SWAT team invading their leaders building…and let the chaos begin.
Firefights to the max and fast paced hand to hand combat is pretty much the rest. But it never gets old and things are getting more intense almost every minute. Every step closer, the levels get more difficult.
The film is done so well. The action is insane and over the top but not exactly so much that isn’t possible. It’s filmed a lot better than the modern North American action movie, where the fight scenes are extreme close ups and every punch landed the camera cuts. Not this one, choreographed fighting and you can see every second of it without feeling nauseous.
Mad Dog is my favorite character. He’s tiny, scrawny, and just scraggley. But he will kick your ass to the death without using a weapon. He has 2 incredible fight scenes and is just so fast and quick minded with his fists and legs that it seems impossible for you to take him down. His strength is lacking…but his stamina, speed, and will to kill more than makes up for it. If I had anyone to back me up in a fight, I choose him. Not Brock Lesnar, not the Hell’s Angels, not the Van Buren Boys, not even Chuck Norris….Mad Dog is my backup and I wouldn’t even have to help. Just watch him kick your asses and wait for you to apologize for cutting in front of me in the lunch line. Dick!

Rating: 5 Mad Dogs (which equal 10 Chuck Norris’…suck on that)