Lilliputian Size Reviews: The Hangover Part III

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Ok I want to point out that this movie was panned by “critics” across the board. Only further proving my point that all critics who write major magazines, newpapers, news websites, and have talk time on tv shows and news programs need to be labelled by the government as ‘too retarded to exist’. What makes a critic a professional critic? I would honestly like to know their qualifications.

In my opinion this is an epic end to a great trilogy in film. I’ll also admit that this is not better than the 1st or the 2nd if you want to rank them. But it’s still really good. A little more grim, darker, and there’s more compassion between the characters.

Some might be upset that there really isn’t a hangover in this movie. The idea is that that both their hangovers previously have caught up with them. I don’t want to give the main story away because it all unravels on it’s own like a domino effect.

I felt that it wasn’t AS funny as the rest but still had very good moments. But that makes it not really sound good and I’m not trying to. It’s like trying to measure up to something already epic but trying to make it ‘epicer’? Not easy…especially attempting to do it twice. But if you liked the first two, it’s worth to go see. I’m buying on dvd when it will be released that’s how much I like it….that and why have 2 of the movies in a trilogy and not all 3?

Please don’t leave when the credits roll by the way…there’s a present for you.

Rating: 4 Leslie Chow Wedding Cakes

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Lilliputian Size Reviews: Alien 3/Alien (To The 3rd Power)

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Alright so, just watched this after many years of procrastinating to see it another time. I’m a big fan of the Aliens franchise (except AVP, they fucked up that shit)

I used to collect the Aliens vs. Predator action figures. I’d still like to go back and get them again, they were awesome. Played the shit out of Alien 3 on Super Nintendo, hard as fuck but kinda fun, not fantastic. Also played Aliens vs. Predator on Super Nintendo, classic beat em up. Played a little Alien Trilogy on Playstation, not as impressed. Just started playing Aliens: Colonel Marines on Xbox 360, super fun and follows the movies pretty well. Our local Laser-X (remember that shit?) had an Alien themed play area. There was a window that showed the area and if you got really close to it, a sensor would go off and a facehugger puppet would jump at the window. Traumatized me. Also had an issue from a of graphic novel series.

Back to the movie at hand. Inferior from Alien and even Aliens. But better than Alien Resurrection.
Visuals are fucking awesome.
Cinematography is great.
Sets and art design are beautiful.
Acting is good.
But story, meh.
Dialogue…eh.
The alien itself….umm, sure why not.

So the one I just watched came out of an Ox (originally you see it come out of a Dog in another versions of the movie, which makes more sense because of the physical similarities) but whatever, it runs on all fours. The survivors from the last movie (Ripley, Newt, Cpl. Hicks, and the upper half of Bishop) are in the escape pod from their ship, crash land on a planet with just 25 life sentence prisoners, 1 warden, and his lackey (nicknamed 85 because that’s his IQ). Unfortunately Ripley is the only one left, the others didn’t make it.
The prisoners are now born again christians and find her appearance to be a bad thing since they are all former killers and rapists and feel that her being there will challenge their faith and fall into the hands of sin.
A few deaths lead to them all working together, no weapons besides some knives and axes. So they use their creativity to kill it. Eventually it gets done but Ripley has been impregnated which is my big quarrel with this movie.
During the climax of Aliens the only alien that got onto the Solaco ship was the queen. She was injected into space and that was it. No other alien was aboard, they even went on a smaller ship that left the Solaco. The only way for her to be impregnated is for their to be facehuggers on the ship. They only come from eggs that are left by the queen in her hive. Her hive was blown to bits in the previous movie. So no eggs available. They didn’t even find the dead husk of a face hugger on the escape pod. So what the fuck? Makes no sense, it’s not like they couldn’t have figured something out to fill that plot hole. Not only that, remember the ox AKA dog? There had to have been 2 aliens aboard. Sorry, I don’t buy this anymore. So that’s my big gripe with this movie otherwise like I said, well done.
It’s the last good Alien movie, Alien Resurrection not so much.

Rating: 3.25 Doggy Aliens

Lilliputian Size Reviews: Spring Breakers

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I’m gonna start off by saying…I like Harmony Korine. Kids, Gummo, and Trash Humpers I’m a fan of (especially Gummo). But I didn’t dig this too much. Slow moving, repetitive, and showing tits and ass to show well….tits and ass. But hey that’s fine, there were a lot of nice butts and boobs. But it was like ok, lets go on to plot now please. I swear the line “Spring break, spring break, spring break forever” was repeated at least 30 times.
James Franco was the guy that made this movie somewhat worth it to me. His grimy little character (Al-ien) was funny to watch and was just so ridiculously slimy but you couldn’t help but laugh. A combination of just him and that his character was funny.

“Look at all my SHIT!!”

It was filmed well, effects were cool, I’m a fan of film noir style colored lights. Makes it seem comic book like. But the story and plot were just too slow and I got bored easily just waiting for something to happen. The ending wasn’t awful…but it was rushed it seemed like.
I kind of wondered sometimes (day dreaming really) that what would I be doing in these crazy parties at South Florida during a college spring break. Would I be getting some poon? Maybe. How shy would I be? Not sure. Probably would break out of my shell fairly quickly. I’m a competitive guy, wanna do something crazy? I’ll show you a crazy mothafucka (cause I’m the shit, yo). Well…I guess the question is…does it make you wanna go on spring break?
Not really, well…….maybe? Who knows. But probably not….but let’s not rule it out. I doubt it though.

Rating: 2-AND-A-HALF Vanessa Hudgens’ss (which half?)

Lilliputian Size Reviews: Chernobyl Diaries

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I must say to start off the idea of a horror movie based in Chernobyl has a ton of potential but of course, a good idea given to people holding a camera who have no new ideas of their own never ends well. The creepiness factor is at a high due to the unknown assailants whom you never really see or very very little of (which is better than just flat out showing them and each of them having personalities and individual agendas which has become a horror cliche of it’s own). So this film went back to basics and just not really showing you who is trying to get these people which makes the horror factor go up on the scare scale. If you know the history and have seen pictures of Chernobyl, it is quite a creepy place with traumatic history. But the plot surrounds some jackass and his little brother visiting there for fun with 2 lady friends, an expendable couple, and their “experienced” tour guide. Obviously knowing any horror movie…that’s a mistake. So blame everything on the older brother throughout the movie whenever you’re getting frustrated with typical movie victim stupidity and just where they end up. The story and characters are one dimensional but like I said the creepiness factor is high. The film is very dark (no, not because it’s a horror movie) but because it’s hard to see a lot of the time once they arrive to their designated area. This is one of those movies where you cannot dissect it too much, just watch it and try to enjoy it for what it is (an unintelligible horror movie cliche). I tell you this because the ending is very anti-climactic with no answer other than being a twist(?) just for the sake of being a twist(?). So enjoy the creepy atmosphere, darkly unknown assailants, and tension build but attempt to sit through just another horror movie that means nothing to horror history and is nothing special all around.

Rating: 2 Dead Russian Tour Guides

Lilliputian Size Reviews: Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

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I’ve seen some crazy movies. But this had moments of deranged behavior, and gross moments. But I personally found it hard to watch in a different way than most people’s usual complaint of horrid acts on screen. I depict it as ‘BORING AS HELL’. I like this kind of stuff…but the images went WAY to fast to comprehend what you even saw and then by the time you know what it was…but there were 14 more shots you’ve missed due to thinking about the one. Even films like Gummo and Trash Humpers (Like random shots and disturbing images? Those are for you) have a certain plot or story. It may be small, but it’s something. This was random shot, after random shot, and what do you know…another random shot. Even the more horrifying shots get old. Some lasting half a second, some lasting 30 seconds. But it doesn’t stop, until you see her as a child walking away on an old VHS Camera. I wanted parts to just move on, but they kept going and going. Back and forth, back and forth. It’s ok sometimes to do that, but let people get what they are seeing first before you switch. Being so redundant that it becomes VERY QUICKLY unappealing to the eye and brain. You get lost easily (not the good kind of lost), your mind can’t keep up and then you are frustrated and want to turn it off. The gore effects and some shots are well constructed. But the editing, audio was put together randomly without truly thinking about it and THAT’S what drove me nuts. Overall, if the description would follow the actual film…it would probably be an underground horror favorite. But it is portrayed so horribly that it just is not worth another watch.

Rating: 1 Vomit Doll