Lilliputian Size Reviews: Alien 3/Alien (To The 3rd Power)

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Alright so, just watched this after many years of procrastinating to see it another time. I’m a big fan of the Aliens franchise (except AVP, they fucked up that shit)

I used to collect the Aliens vs. Predator action figures. I’d still like to go back and get them again, they were awesome. Played the shit out of Alien 3 on Super Nintendo, hard as fuck but kinda fun, not fantastic. Also played Aliens vs. Predator on Super Nintendo, classic beat em up. Played a little Alien Trilogy on Playstation, not as impressed. Just started playing Aliens: Colonel Marines on Xbox 360, super fun and follows the movies pretty well. Our local Laser-X (remember that shit?) had an Alien themed play area. There was a window that showed the area and if you got really close to it, a sensor would go off and a facehugger puppet would jump at the window. Traumatized me. Also had an issue from a of graphic novel series.

Back to the movie at hand. Inferior from Alien and even Aliens. But better than Alien Resurrection.
Visuals are fucking awesome.
Cinematography is great.
Sets and art design are beautiful.
Acting is good.
But story, meh.
Dialogue…eh.
The alien itself….umm, sure why not.

So the one I just watched came out of an Ox (originally you see it come out of a Dog in another versions of the movie, which makes more sense because of the physical similarities) but whatever, it runs on all fours. The survivors from the last movie (Ripley, Newt, Cpl. Hicks, and the upper half of Bishop) are in the escape pod from their ship, crash land on a planet with just 25 life sentence prisoners, 1 warden, and his lackey (nicknamed 85 because that’s his IQ). Unfortunately Ripley is the only one left, the others didn’t make it.
The prisoners are now born again christians and find her appearance to be a bad thing since they are all former killers and rapists and feel that her being there will challenge their faith and fall into the hands of sin.
A few deaths lead to them all working together, no weapons besides some knives and axes. So they use their creativity to kill it. Eventually it gets done but Ripley has been impregnated which is my big quarrel with this movie.
During the climax of Aliens the only alien that got onto the Solaco ship was the queen. She was injected into space and that was it. No other alien was aboard, they even went on a smaller ship that left the Solaco. The only way for her to be impregnated is for their to be facehuggers on the ship. They only come from eggs that are left by the queen in her hive. Her hive was blown to bits in the previous movie. So no eggs available. They didn’t even find the dead husk of a face hugger on the escape pod. So what the fuck? Makes no sense, it’s not like they couldn’t have figured something out to fill that plot hole. Not only that, remember the ox AKA dog? There had to have been 2 aliens aboard. Sorry, I don’t buy this anymore. So that’s my big gripe with this movie otherwise like I said, well done.
It’s the last good Alien movie, Alien Resurrection not so much.

Rating: 3.25 Doggy Aliens

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Lilliputian Size Reviews: Chernobyl Diaries

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I must say to start off the idea of a horror movie based in Chernobyl has a ton of potential but of course, a good idea given to people holding a camera who have no new ideas of their own never ends well. The creepiness factor is at a high due to the unknown assailants whom you never really see or very very little of (which is better than just flat out showing them and each of them having personalities and individual agendas which has become a horror cliche of it’s own). So this film went back to basics and just not really showing you who is trying to get these people which makes the horror factor go up on the scare scale. If you know the history and have seen pictures of Chernobyl, it is quite a creepy place with traumatic history. But the plot surrounds some jackass and his little brother visiting there for fun with 2 lady friends, an expendable couple, and their “experienced” tour guide. Obviously knowing any horror movie…that’s a mistake. So blame everything on the older brother throughout the movie whenever you’re getting frustrated with typical movie victim stupidity and just where they end up. The story and characters are one dimensional but like I said the creepiness factor is high. The film is very dark (no, not because it’s a horror movie) but because it’s hard to see a lot of the time once they arrive to their designated area. This is one of those movies where you cannot dissect it too much, just watch it and try to enjoy it for what it is (an unintelligible horror movie cliche). I tell you this because the ending is very anti-climactic with no answer other than being a twist(?) just for the sake of being a twist(?). So enjoy the creepy atmosphere, darkly unknown assailants, and tension build but attempt to sit through just another horror movie that means nothing to horror history and is nothing special all around.

Rating: 2 Dead Russian Tour Guides

Lilliputian Size Reviews: Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

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I’ve seen some crazy movies. But this had moments of deranged behavior, and gross moments. But I personally found it hard to watch in a different way than most people’s usual complaint of horrid acts on screen. I depict it as ‘BORING AS HELL’. I like this kind of stuff…but the images went WAY to fast to comprehend what you even saw and then by the time you know what it was…but there were 14 more shots you’ve missed due to thinking about the one. Even films like Gummo and Trash Humpers (Like random shots and disturbing images? Those are for you) have a certain plot or story. It may be small, but it’s something. This was random shot, after random shot, and what do you know…another random shot. Even the more horrifying shots get old. Some lasting half a second, some lasting 30 seconds. But it doesn’t stop, until you see her as a child walking away on an old VHS Camera. I wanted parts to just move on, but they kept going and going. Back and forth, back and forth. It’s ok sometimes to do that, but let people get what they are seeing first before you switch. Being so redundant that it becomes VERY QUICKLY unappealing to the eye and brain. You get lost easily (not the good kind of lost), your mind can’t keep up and then you are frustrated and want to turn it off. The gore effects and some shots are well constructed. But the editing, audio was put together randomly without truly thinking about it and THAT’S what drove me nuts. Overall, if the description would follow the actual film…it would probably be an underground horror favorite. But it is portrayed so horribly that it just is not worth another watch.

Rating: 1 Vomit Doll